||All that's left of me is a crying, apathetic, anxious mess, paralyzed by fear.
The only reason I'm still here is because of how my family would react.
||people who romanticize mental illnesses are so incredibly annoying though.
there's nothing pretty or cool or edgy about depression.
For a short period of time I felt better but now I am a sad, apathetic, anxious mess again.
||a girl picks gender studies, people complain.
a girl picks stem, people still complain.
what the fuck do you want
||However, earlier this week I was having a REALLY tough time and basically contemplated killing myself.
||I agree, in some way it would've been really cool if Max had fucked spacetime up so badly that everything just turned into a surrealistic, nightmare-ish mess.
||And it only gets worse once I start doing something and remember how bad I am at it.
It's so difficult to shape these feelings into words, especially since English is not my first language.
I've been suffering quietly for three years.
||If I just forgot about my obsession with how I'm perceived, I would just sleep 23 hours a day and die of dehydration or something.
||And my family is also the reason why I feel so selfish thinking about these things.
I'm hurting horribly, but I still feel like I'm not hurting enough to get treatment.
I can't do this anymore.
||this broke the wall down after one week of being emotionless and dull and i started crying haha
||I used to limit my drinking to social gatherings, but now I've started to get drunk on my own on the weekends just so I wouldn't get stuck in the "everyone hates you"-mindset.